i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I think your dad took our porno
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
