I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
