Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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