Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
