Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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