i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
