somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
