dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
