Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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