I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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