I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
BRING THE BAGELS
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
