Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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