dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
