Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I didn't notice because vodka
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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