We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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