she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
