We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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