And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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