He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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