There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
