dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
