Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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