I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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