ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
