we're chasing vodka with high fives
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
