I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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