I feel like I'm in dance class right now
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
