Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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