Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize