To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
