Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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