Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
if i died would you start the facebook group?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
