My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
