how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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