he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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