oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
