I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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