dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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