well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize