and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
