He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
