To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
