I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
