just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Randomize
