Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
