you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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