She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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