a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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