He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
