you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
