I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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