i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
please don't ironically join a cult
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