Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
