I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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