you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
