Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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