I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
