tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
