How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
