i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
