How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
it glows. i had to have it.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
