I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
