There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
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