I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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