One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize