i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
