oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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