You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
