I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
