I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
