i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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