im drinking this country out of the recession.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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