PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
