the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
