a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
