oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
