spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
