my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
