Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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