tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
