watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
