There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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