where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize
