3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
