1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
