can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
