His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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