I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
