Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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