forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
