just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
My liver just had a heart attack.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
