I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
