Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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