so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
