I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
