Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
