It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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