Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
