Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
