i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
