If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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